We never really know what others are facing, so let’s be kind

Almost every night during the warmer months, my husband, Arman, and I take a leisurely walk through our small neighborhood. It comprises just one street, and we have calculated that five laps around equals just over a mile. Since we both sit inside our house for hours, working all day, we look forward to our after-dinner strolls. The weather in Cleveland doesn’t permit this year-round, so we treasure this time.

As we circle the street, we chat about our day, our kids, and what’s on our minds. I am more of a talker, and Arman is more of a listener, so we work well together. I know how vital it is to keep the body moving for those like Arman who live with Parkinson’s disease, and walking is one of the best ways to do so.

With each home we pass, I wonder what is beyond its front door. We have lived here for four years now, and while I know many of my neighbors by face and some by name, we don’t really know each other. For example, are they aware that my husband has early-onset Parkinson’s disease? Do they wonder why I hold his arm tightly when we stop to say pleasantries? (It’s to keep him from falling.) Maybe they think I’m just a highly controlling person. Who knows? They may think I am keeping him captive!

When I meet a neighbor, it’s not like I say, “Hello, we are the Askaris from down the street. By the way, my husband was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease at age 38 in 2009.”

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April 10, 2019 Columns by Sherri Woodbridge

I’m Learning Not to Make Assumptions

Behind closed doors

As we take our stroll, I glance at each house along the way. I think about how we never truly know what is happening behind closed doors. A well-manicured lawn, a lush flower bed, and a well-cared-for exterior do not necessarily indicate a peaceful household, just as a sad or lonely person can wear a bright, happy smile.

With Parkinson’s disease, it is nearly impossible to be private or keep the condition under the radar. Arman experiences symptoms such as balance issues, slowness, stiffness, and difficulty holding his head upright and straight, which have become more apparent as the disease progresses. Parkinson’s disease is obvious and not hidden easily.

However, those unfamiliar with the specifics of the disease might jump to incorrect conclusions about people living with it. For example, if Arman is unsteady, it might be mistaken for intoxication; this is a common misconception that people with Parkinson’s experience. Or he may appear unfriendly because he is often unable to smile or express much emotion due to facial masking. It is a shame because Arman has a wonderful smile!

It is easy to make assumptions when we don’t have the full story. My husband loves to say that to assume makes an “ass” of “u” and “me.”

In the end, we never know what people are dealing with. So many are suffering silently from invisible illnesses, chronic pain, mental health struggles, trauma, loss, and much more.

It can be difficult to speak up and be open about our challenges. Some fear that they will be judged or perceived as weak or a burden if they disclose their vulnerabilities. It’s important to respect the decision to maintain privacy.

All we can really do is be kind and show empathy toward friends, family, neighbors, strangers, and the world around us. A kind smile goes a long way. Helpful gestures like holding the door or an elevator may seem small or insignificant, but they can be a game-changer.

While we can’t take away everyone’s pain or struggles, we might be able to make one person’s day a bit brighter and easier. I will take that as a win.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.