The moment every caregiver dreads: When the patient has gone missing

As I’ve mentioned in previous columns, my family and I did our best to support my late uncle Brandon after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. We all pitched in, so there was almost always someone around to help him out. At least, that was the plan.

One afternoon, a storm was rolling into town. It wasn’t terrible yet, but anyone living in Texas knows how quickly the weather can change. Earlier that day, Uncle Brandon called and asked if I could take him to the store because he wanted some snacks.

I offered to bring him whatever snacks he needed, but that wasn’t really what he wanted. He liked getting out of the house, being around people, and choosing his own snacks. Even as his Parkinson’s worsened, he didn’t want to just sit at home all day.

I told him that if the weather calmed down later, we could go. But, apparently, that wasn’t the answer he was looking for.

About an hour later, I arrived at the house. It was empty. At first, I thought he might be in another room, so I called his name. Nothing. I checked outside. Nothing. Then my mind jumped to the same place most caregivers’ minds go when something feels off: panic!

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I called my aunt. She didn’t know where he was. I called my cousins. They didn’t know where he was, either. Soon, everybody was calling everybody else, trying to figure out where Uncle Brandon had gone.

We called his phone repeatedly. No answer. At that point, we started talking about whether we needed to go out and look for him.

Then we heard his truck. I hadn’t even thought to check the garage since the door was closed. A few seconds later, Uncle Brandon walked in carrying a bag. Feeling frantic, relieved, and a little annoyed, I asked him where he’d been.

He looked at me, shrugged his shoulders, and said, “Hell, I wanted my pork skins and honey buns! I wasn’t waiting.”

Then he started laughing. And there I was, just standing and staring at him. Cue the facepalm reaction right here.

A little independence

After I recovered from my mini heart attack, I asked how everything had gone. He told me he’d made it to the store just fine. He used his walker to help with walking and balance, picked out what he wanted, chatted with a store clerk he knew, and drove carefully on the wet roads.

Then he reminded me that he was a country boy who had driven through much worse weather when he was younger. To him, a little rain and physical ailments weren’t going to keep him from getting his snacks.

At that point, I gave in to his humorous stance, and we both laughed. I gently reminded him that while I admired his determination, it would be very nice if he’d let one of us know before heading out into a Texas storm. When we told the rest of the family what had happened, they reacted just like I did: relief first, disbelief second, and a mini lecture on making sure someone was around to accompany him on the next snack run.

Now, whenever I think back on that day, I can’t help but chuckle. At the time, all we saw were the risks. We worried about his safety, his Parkinson’s symptoms, and the weather. But for Uncle Brandon, the situation looked completely different. He wasn’t trying to worry anyone. He just wanted a little independence and a chance to do something for himself.

And, apparently, he really wanted those pork skins.

That day reminded me that one of the hardest parts of caregiving is finding a balance between safety and independence. The people we love still want to make their own choices, even if those choices sometimes leave us feeling both relieved and frustrated.

Thankfully, though, this particular adventure ended with nothing more serious than a bag of snacks, a few honey buns, and a story our family still laughs about today in his honor.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.