overwhelming as a caregiver

[Diana]

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for this honest post. My husband was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. He is now 64. I have already noticed many physical changes. He used to be full of energy and now he must rest a lot. He also shuffles and almost loses his balance quite a bit, but the thing I worry about the most right now is when he starts to choke. I have also noticed personality changes. I understand that he must be angry and frustrated, but he sometimes takes it out on me, saying I don’t understand and won’t be able to “deal” with him as he worsens.

I will do whatever I must for him, however I am honestly quite scared. As a nurse, you already have the temperament, experience and skills to deal with such a condition. I do not. I wonder how he will become and what life will be like. I hope that he will stay as he is, but I know that is unlikely.

I am afraid, and I often feel guilty for feeling afraid.

Thank you again for sharing honestly what it is like for a caregiver.

G-D bless you.

Diana

[Lorella Howard]

I hear you all! I am a nurse educator who went to half time the year covid hit, then retired to just doing a couple online courses so I could be home full time as he is now needing constant supervision. My husband was diagnosed in 2000, retired in 2014, disease was slow in progression until last few years. His Duopa pump helps smooth the dose levels some, but he still has many times of dyskinesia or crashing low. We are trying different adjustments to try to get on a better track.  This year, illusions and delusions have started, which are challenging, they were helped some by adding Aricept. Yes, I see personality and mood changes. I sometimes think they are more upsetting and harder to deal with than the physical challenges. I try to explain that what he sees is not really there, etc. He gets angry at times with his disabilities or how long it takes medication to work. He doesn’t want reminders, but gets distracted and forgets to eat, needs physical help with clothes, etc. I find my frustration level high, fatigue and sleep deprivation severe. I constantly remind myself that I’m not angry at him, but at the disease. When there are moments of clarity, and I see him being more himself, I try to savor it. It’s scary, and I try not to think that I may look back on these moments as “the good old days”! I don’t know how I would keep my sanity if we didn’t have 3 grown children nearby who pitch in and stay with him while I take another extended family member to multiple health appointments. Watching our children and young grandchildren  have to deal with these changes in their dad and grandpa is both heart-wrenching and rewarding.

Is there any way you could have any home health help for a few hours a week? If you could get out a little, it would help you mentally and emotionally. If a friend could visit and talk, you would feel less alone. Try to keep up old friendships and as many connections as are comfortable. You need to take some “minute vacations!” Keep sharing.

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi Lorella,
I feel for you. What a roller coaster you are on. My husband improved with Mannitol First it was his non motor problems, apathy in particular, then many other symptoms.

He has just started using the Infrared coronet and Therapad.

I’ve had problems sleeping. My husband doesn’t have any issues at night most of the time. But, because I’m so stressed, I didn’t sleep well. Melatonin has solved that problem to a great degree.

I don’t know if any of this helps, but I thought I’d pass it on, just in case.

Gwendoline

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi Kathy (and Diana),
My husband was on the Neupro patch (Rotigotine) for a few years with great results. His major symptom was extreme apathy, as in not being interested in anything or doing anything. When it stopped working in 2019, we tried mannitol, after looking at the research and getting our pharmacist to check it out. At this point he was on the bed about 20 hours a day. He was also choking on food, had a PD mask, a soft voice and more. Within a week his apathy started to disappear and as time went by the choking disappeared and his mask almost disappeared. His voice also got stronger. The other thing that disappeared was his foggiest and dizziness in the mornings, which meant he could start PD exercise classes, which he does twice a week.

When my husband was in hospital and I mentioned the mannitol ( as I didn’t want him not having it), the doctor told me they’d been using mannitol in hospitals for head injuries and operations since at least the 1970s. Until now, there’s been no further research into it because (as our neurologist says) you can’t patient a vitamin or supplement, so there’s no money in it. It’s not just a diabetic sweetener. He takes 1tbs. a day in coffee, as suggested.

In recent times I felt that his apathy may be returning and his mask was definitely more apparent. So, not waiting to see where it’s leading, he is now using the Infrared Coronet and Therapad. Recent research here in Australia was very encouraging. My husband’s neurologist said that a number of his patients are using it with good results.

I am exhausted mentally as with the apathy increasing again, I’m having to push to get him to exercise. I’m just hoping the Infrared coronet etc works for him (and me).

Gwendoline

[Marlo Kimmel]

Can you please say how much mannitol you are using, teaspoon etc and what brand you are purchasing

 

[Diana]

Hi Gwendoline,

Thank you so much for your insight. My husband is a functional medicine doctor and based on information he read, he started taking mannitol a few weeks ago. He said that he feels that his arm is less stiff and he will most certainly continue taking it. I’m very pleased that he is going to Rock Steady Boxing classes three times per week and he is very engaged in that. He definitely doesn’t have apathy at this point, which I can imagine is quite frustrating to deal with as a caretaker.

My challenge is to live every day and not to dwell on future possibilities of how this will play out. Of course, PD is a very individual disease and nobody knows how it will progress for any particular person. I am hoping that my husband’s progresses very slowly and we can do some of the traveling we were hoping to do. We have only been married for six years and with COVID have not had a chance to “see the world” together as we were hoping to do in later years.

I hear many stories of anger and outbursts in PD patients, but it is not something I have found much information about online. This is my greatest concern, since as the caretaker we must be the ones to remain calm and to understand that the disease is talking, not the person, but from what I have experienced so far, that is easier said than done.

I am very appreciate of this forum and the insight of others.

Thank you.

Diana

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi again Diana, you somehow have to stop worrying about what might happen. It’s easier said than done, I know. As you say, everyone is different and progresses at a different pace. Your husband probably will never be difficult to deal with. My husband is very placid, but his apathy drives me mad. I never was a patient person. I have to do the driving. I am bossy, so that helps?

My husband doesn’t have your “garden variety PD”, as our neurologist says…if there is such a thing. He doesn’t have a tremor, which made it hard to diagnose initially.

I have a friend with PD who is 96. His PD has progressed very slowly. He’s actually the carer for his wife, who has dementia.

We can be very thankful for these forums, as we can support one another and pass on our experiences.

Gwendoline

[Marlo Kimmel]

Please tell me how much mannitol you are using teaspoon etc and what brand and where purchased

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi Marlo,
We bought our mannitol, here in Australia, from an importer of European foods. It’s the Sosa brand out of Spain. It’s very cheap compared to the brands being sold by supplement suppliers. I think you can get it direct from Sosa.

The suggested dose in the research out of Israel is 1tbs. and no more. I’d start with a teaspoon, as gas (reflux) can be a problem. If you google The Science Behind Mannitol, you’ll get quite a bit of information.

[Vic]

I too am overwhelmed and frightened as well. I’m scared to death that he will fall and really break something….

He gets up when my back is turned and nights are horrible as he takes his pants off and then wets the bed or decides to take a walk!  I moved the walker out of bedroom to keep the walking down, seems to help. I bought bed pads but they only work occasionally as he takes the diapers off during the night.  I can’t sleep with him as he twitches in sleep and keeps me awake!

I feel like I am drowning and we have no relatives locally to help.

Two places were recommended but he is not ambulatory so they can’t take him! Someone suggested hospice but I think that’s only for end of life purposes.

 

[Marie]

Hello all!!!
it’s all overwhelming at times. Add myself with migraines (and lots of bad weather lately)  and a senior dog with health issues that my husband absolutely loves but can no longer walk, or get on the floor to pet, ( she is a beagle, who had double ACL surgery legs and hip bother her so she likes to sit making it hard for my husband to pet her).
It is dizzying the apathy, the depression, the anger, the whole ball of wax as you say.. when he is on a rant, I let him rant,, like a two year old, you pick your battles. I set his meds for he day every day. He takes them or not, wether or not he is awake or not. Some days from not sleeping well for two or three days, he is sleeping really and if I wake him to take his meds, do I know when he last ate?? I have many issues not sleeping as well. A momma’s ears.. but occasionally I get an hour or two of deep sleep, usually in the mornings when I know my son has made it home from the night shift, and after letting the dog out, checking on my husband, and then taking another hour or so to fall back asleep. Covid and lockdown made everything so much worse.
As like you, I feel anger and resentment, guilt. All for what my husband and I should have had. We are 57 and 55 respectively, now he rarely goes anywhere. Although he did make two family parties this month, went to lunch with friends from his last job, and a childhood friend. But gone are the days of traveling in our retirement. And he makes sure I get out for lunch dates with friends, today I canceled a date, he got mad I did. But the high humidity has been irritating my asthma so I have stayed in with the ac.  I generally take a long weekend getaway with my sister, but due to covid, no respite for two years.. so stress levels are very high.
I am going to look into this mannitol. If it’s a sweetener, he likes black coffee, I can use that instead of truvia once a day. we are all caregivers, and stressed, and here!!! I love to read to get away!! What do some of you like to do to getaway???

 

[Lorella Howard]

Does anyone have research articles or websites for the infrared coronet, therapad, or mannitol? My husband is a retired Internal Medicine physician and doesn’t want to try anything he can’t read research on!

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi Lorella, if you google mannitol for Parkinson’s Disease, you’ll see plenty of information on the current research, including scholarly articles on the research being done in Israel. What also popped up was an article on this site dated July29,2020. What isn’t mentioned is that it’s been used in hospitals since at least the 1970s for brain injuries and brain surgery. I found this out when I mentioned mannitol to a doctor in ICU at one of our major hospitals here in Melbourne, Australia. This was confirmed by our GP, recently retired, who confirmed that it was used for brain surgery when he did his training in late 1970s. My husband’s neurologist and our pharmacist both checked out the research. The neurologist did this after seeing my husband’s amazing improvement, particularly the apathy, but many other symptoms.

As our neurologist says, there’s been no research as “there’s no money it”. This also applies to vitamins and supplements.

As far as the Infrared Light therapy is concerned, there’s recently been research done here in Australia. The results will be published later this year, but in the meantime, if you google Professor Hosen Kiat and Parkinson’s, you will be able to see an interview on the subject. Our neurologist said Professor Kiat Hosen is highly respected. He also said that a number of his patients had tried the Infrared coronet with some very good results. There’s been quite a lot of discussion on the HealthUnlocked site and I’m assuming his patients got the details from there or maybe from here. The company that is most well known for the coronet and the pad (Therapad)is Wellred, again they are here in Australia and export worldwide. We have both, and will report on them at a later date.

I hope this helps.

Gwendoline

[Blanche Glazier]

Hi Everyone,

I am a Board Certified Nurse Practitioner with 21 years experience as a Family NP, and 40 years experience on the General hospital floors, all kinds of ICU’s, OR’s, and Flight for Life.  Am I prepared for the toll Parkinson’s has taken on my husband’s life and mine?  NO!  So I, like all of you, find my care-giver situation frustrating, and am extremely angry for all this disease has taken from us, as well as guilt for some of the feelings I have.  I had all kinds of excuses for our dwindling sex life, his constant sleeping and apathy, and never recognized the signs, although I would bring up his symptoms to the doctors at every visit, and for 30 years they just blew it all off.  Am I angry?  You bet.  At myself, and at the doctors, who were trusted friends.  It all started with the apathy, and progressed to not wanting to participate in anything, although we have cruised around the world to wonderful places, including Australia, where I took many tours on my own.  He used to be so neat and clean – now I have to beg, threaten, and cajole to get him to take showers and shave maybe 3 times a week.  I bought a house, sold  both of ours in California, and moved us 3,000 miles all on my own.  He is a very placid person, so he is not aggressive, but on his good days is very resentful at how much control I have over his life.  As a result, I have learned to back off, and on his good days, which are about 2 a week, if he wants to vacuum, or do things in ways he never would have before, I have to bite my tongue and fix any issues when he is sleeping, which can be 12 to 24 hours a day.  He cannot process more than one step to complete tasks.  I was used to him being able to do anything, run the house, take care of the kids and animals, maintain the cars, and plan for vacations, and anything we wanted to do.  He was my rock, and the Wind Beneath My Wings.  This is all so sad. So I understand what you are all feeling, and I am so grateful to know others have the same feelings I do.  My husband has COPD, diabetes, Valley Fever, Leukemia, Anemia, Memory loss, and an Aortic valve replacement 2 years ago, so I had to retire at 78 to care for him.  I resent these circumstances  because I had been a nurse since I was 16  years old, and it has been my whole identity for all these years.  I pray for  the strength and fortitude for all of you to meet this monumental challenge we are  facing.  The Golden Years for all of us have sure presented the biggest hurdle of our lives.  Keep sharing!  It helps all of us.

[Bill Frohberg]

Blanche, thanks for your post.  I know exactly how you feel.  My wife was diagnosed 11 years ago and a very slow decline.  Tried a lot of meds, seems Neupro patch and amantadine work the best.  She has really bad tremors – started in her hands and now she feels it in her body.  She won’t consider DBS.  The double whammy is she has Crohn’s as well.  She’s really depressed, but willing to try anything.  Does her excersises, and keeps hope alive.  But recently become very demanding, and developed the “woe is me” attitude.

I know how you feel. I retired after 45 years of industrial sales.  Looked forward to travel, golf trips, and home improvements.  I felt cheated, thought to myself – worked my butt off all those years for this?  I got proactive, went to counseling, read a lot of these posts, read articles about new treatments, even contacted doctors starting trials.  Also renewed my faith, shared my story at church and enlisted the prayer warriors.

Deep down I love this lady, and accepted the fact, that this is God’s plan for me.  Just trying to keep posistive and keep her safe and comfortable.

 

 

 

[Marlo Kimmel]

Please tell me how much mannitol you are using ie teaspoon etc and how many times a day. Where and what brand did you purchase. Thank you

[Corrie Trattner]

My heart goes out to all of you.  My husband passed from Parkinson’s and Bipolar Disease on March 6, 2021.  He was in assisted living facilities for 5 anf 1/2 years and progressively got worse as time went on.  He also was getting sick for many years prior to his entering the assisted living when none of the doctors could diagnose what was wrong.  In addition, which was really madening, the physical and psychiatric doctors refuse to talk to each other, which made things all that more complicated and difficult.

Many of you stated above that you are fearful of what the future will bring.  I had the same feelings despite my being an occupational therapist and working with people with physical disabilities and mostly psychosocial issues and mental illness throughout my 50 year career.  It’s different when it’s your family member whom you dearly love than when it’s a client of yours.  I continued working the whole time so that we could stay on the health insurance and so I could have somewhat of a break from caretaking.  However, being a college professor really didn’t give me much of a break.  (I’ll be retiring at the end of this month).

I can miror your feelings of frustration, anger, exhaustion, and guilt.  Sometimes, I still feel all of those.  I think the hardest things for me were the worry about what was coming down the pike and how I would deal with it.  Every day I would pray for the strength to see everything through until the end.  Somehow, with G-d’s help, I did, and assuredly all of you will too.  Some of the hardest things for me to deal with was accepting that I couldn’t do everything and had to get help as his condition worsened and that I couldn’t make everything better and go away like I would have liked to do despite all of my extreme efforts.

My heart goes out to all of you.  Please try to remind yourselves that you are all strong and caring people and have more resources and reslience within yourselves than you realize.  I send you all prayers of healing and comfort and quality of life for yourselves and for your loved ones.

I hope this is helpful.  If not, hit the delete button.

Corrie

[Habib nazarian]

I appreciate all the comments. My husband was diagnosed 5 years ago, the progression has been fast. I worry for what the future holds. I feel helpless that I cannot help him feel better. Depression and apathy are very difficult to deal with. Please if anyone has advice on dealing with depression, let me know. He agreed to try manitol, hopefully it will help. I pray that G-d gives us strength and patience ?

[Wobblygirl]

As someone in the relatively early stages of Parkinson’s I feel so sorry for caregivers and admire their dedication. For myself, I would hate to be in that state of dependence and I’m determined to end things before it gets to that stage. I just wish it was a choice available legally!

[Angela]

You must be so overwhelmed. I am a nurse who is watching my husband decline and have 8 grandchildren. My husband has the rapid form of Parkinson’s. I feel so overworked trying to take care of him, the house and all the grandchildren.
I told him I feel like a single mom and he said well just pretend you are. I said this is a marriage. I don’t want to be the sole supporter of everyone.
I keep going . That’s all I can do. I am 65 and feel like I will have to work for many more years to support my husband. I do get frustrated, cry and am depressed. I as well have my own health issues.
I still try to carve out a little time for myself and just don’t come home right away after work.
God is my help right now and I am praying he gives me the strength to carry on.
Who knows maybe science will find a way to cure this terrible disease.

[Marla Klein]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>My heart aches as I read all these posts. None of us picked the road we are traveling but we must find peace, some time for ourselves and do the best we can. I, like many of u, feel robbed of the man I knew before PD.  it has been a hell of a time adjusting to all the changes and roles one needs to do, to just survive . I mourn the loss of the man I knew and I too get angry feel robbed of all we had planned to do in retirement. But here we are just doing it one day at a time. Good days I celebrate,  hard days I pray will end and on those bad days I look forward to the next good day. The changes are hard to watch and sometimes I just want to run away as it makes me feel sad and lonely in this role I am in. I try to get out a few hours each aft when he sleeps just for my own sanity. I admire each of you, and feel badly that we were given this role of caregiver and feel worse for our PD loved ones .  I  pray we all find the strength to move through this horrible illness.  How  I long for the calm good days. For now I’ll  cherish the good  when they are in front of me. Good luck to all of us . I am  glad to have this forum to know I am not alone.</p>

[Esther Mendez]

Marla, I so agree with your comments here, and I am thankful to read and see that I am not alone in my struggles, as I care for my husband of 48 years who has advanced Parkinson’s. So often I grieve the loss of my dear man, who, tho’ he is still “alive” he is not the man I’ve walked out my life with. He is very angry at being betrayed by his body, and I have to take the brunt of his feelings and outbursts. I pray often for patience and grace to walk out these days with him. A recent fall showed us that he needs 24/7 supervision, mobility in a wheelchair (because he is no longer able to use his U-Step walker safely,) and stand-by assistance in every transition. His twin brother and I take 12 hours shifts each, so I am able to sleep some, and run to the store in the mornings before I start my shift at noon. I’m thankful for the help. Still, I struggle watching my husband go downhill like this.

We’re in this together, all us caregivers, and I’m thankful that we can interface here. Hang in there, all of you. What we’re doing is a good thing!

[Gwendoline Jakins]

Hi Angela,

Have you looked at anything that may help your husband besides what the neurologist has prescribed. Nothing they can give stops the progression of the disease. But there are things that help. Fortunately our neurologist has an open mind and doesn’t mind if we try vitamins and supplements. As he says, they don’t get researched, as they can’t be patented, so there’s no money in them.

We tried the B1 protocol, which has worked miracles for some PD patients. We had amazing success with mannitol. It turned my husband’s life around.

If you want to know more, look at the Cure Parkinson’s HealthUnlocked site. If you join, you can look at my post on mannitol (my user name is gwendolinej). You can also look at the B1 protocol and more, by putting them in the search box.

Has he had his bloods done. PD patients are often low on the B vitamins, B12 in particular, also D3.

As a carer, you can get a lot of support from these sites. We are in this together.

Gwendoline

[Beth Ann Chambers]

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for sharing your story I am a full-time caregiver for my mom who has Parkinson’s diagnosed in December 2014. And I was diagnosed in November 2020 with Parkinson’s. It really is a challenge day in and out. Since the pandemic course my mom less interested in things she knows to enjoy so therefore we both and isolated more and more. I’m not sure where to reach out for resources or help at this point in time. I want to keep her happy and healthy however it seems to be taking a toll on me. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining it’s a blessing to be able to care for my mom I also took care of both of my grandparents before they passed. I guess I thought maybe family members would Reach out come out and visit my mom. I pray we all can stay healthy and sane as we rock this journey together thank you for your thoughts. Beth Ann

[Mary]

I take care (my husband helps me) of my 85 year old mother who was diagnosed with a form of Parkinsonism (but they can’t tell me which one) last year.  I am so consumed with trying to figure out what I’m dealing with, that I feel totally overwhelmed. PD and anything related to it is horrible too. I’m having trouble with trying to differentiate between her age and the disease. She was sent home from work March 31, 2020 because of COVID and it all went down hill after that. She’s also got dystonia on the left arm which has rendered practically useless and it’s killer watching her suffer.

I don’t know where this disease came from because no one in the family has it. She did work all her life in canneries which we all know reek with chemicals and the rest is history.  I’ve had her for 7 months 24/7 and she depends on me for just about everything but I also depended on her and she was there for me as a child and always has been. Am I exhausted, yes, I’m no spring chicken, but I’m blessed with the grace of my God.  I take it one day at a time because tomorrow is not guaranteed.

You all are amazing.

[Diana]

Hi Mary,

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you will benefit from our PD Care Partner Support Group. If you direct message me your email address, I will add you to our correspondence list. The group is full of warm and caring people at various stages of the care partner journey. I know you will find strength in the camaraderie.

Kind regards,

Diana

[Mary]

Diana:

looking forward to this Sunday’s meeting!

[Diana]

Great, Mary! I’ll be sending out the email reminder and login info on Friday!

[Brenda Reese]

<li style=”text-align: left;”>My husband was diagnosed in 2016 with stage 3 PD, but he obviously had symptoms well before that. We have tried manitol for his constipation. I don’t see that it helps much with any of his symptoms, but I keep giving him 1 tsp in his OJ each morning. He has sleep issues, urinary issues, hears music that is not there, is mobile but slow, masked face, weak muscles, mind not always clear. But he is not depressed. He is a minister who had to go out on disability at age 62. He knows that I will take care of him and that the good Lord will take care of us. I did worry about our future when he was first diagnosed, but I decided that worrying was was futile and drained my strength to deal with the situation, so now I just take one day at a time and ask God to help me with whatever I face each day. We are dealing with slow progressing PD. So, he might outlive me! Anyway, God has been faithful to us and we have a good church family. Our children live 2 states away, so they do not help me, but church family is here for us.

[Marjorie Weiss]

My husband tried mannitol, Brenda. He did not find it helpful after using off the whole bottles worth. So he did not continue. For his constipation he put a cap full of MiraLAX and a tablespoon or so of psyllium husk on his cereal every day and that keeps him regular. He also takes magnesium citrate every day which aids in sleep as well as pooping

 

[Brenda Reese]

Marjorie, thank you for your response. My husband takes Magnesium citrate 409 mg with each meal and I have to insert 2 glycerin suppositories every morning to help him poop. I bought him Miralax, but he won’t take it. I believe it would work, if he would take it!

[Marjorie Weiss]

Try hiding it in his breakfast cereal. Like hiding vegetables and things for kids. You never know maybe it’ll work. You might try the magnesium Glysinate since it is better absorbed. We have to be sneaky.

we get the psyllium husk at a health food store.  That one really helps me when I need it.

 

[James Mortimer]

After 3 years of trying, its the sheer impotence that hurts so much,

Jadmorty.

[Gil Williams]

One of the things I struggle with as a caregiver is . . . my wife has had PD for 5 or 6 years now. The deterioration of what use to be “normal” progresses and it can be seen over time. One of the things that can create tension between us is I see her struggling to do some things (getting the lid off her meds, getting a necklace hooked on, that sort of thing). When I try to help she often times experiences this as my not letting her do things. My strategy has been to, step back and not offer help until asked for. It is painful to see her struggle when I know I can help. Question . . . How do others deal with this?

[Janice]

When I suspect that my husband is having trouble buttoning his shirt or putting on his socks and shoes, I call out “Would you like some help doing (whatever it is)”.   If he says no, I leave it alone.  If he has to be ready to get picked up by a certain time, I’ll say something like “hey if you want to go to _________ you have to be ready by 6:45 and it’s already 6:35.  Let me help you do (whatever it is).   So far that works.   There are days when he does need the help and days when he does not.

[Alex Ivanosvski]

How do you feel now?

[Kate]

I know how hard it is to be a caregiver. I’m not a nurse, but I understand that taking care of your husband is more difficult than of people you don’t know. There was a time when I was so tired that I addressed agingcare customer service https://www.pissedconsumer.com/company/agingcare/customer-service.html to find a good place for my father. But I couldn’t do that. It was my duty to help him.

[Ginni]

Hi, Kathleen – I too, am the only caregiver, full-time, for my husband of 30 years. His symptoms have rapidly and greatly deteriorated in just this last year. He does Nothing for himself, Nothing to improve his situation. A major turning point: he is apparently now unable to get out of the bed. It’s been two weeks, and this is not going to get better. My duties have increased at least four-fold, as have my emotions. When you express how difficult it is “to maintain my level of calm which is nearly impossible” – I jumped a little inside – cuz that’s me, for sure. I have always considered myself to be a very patient and kind person, but I really have to control my outward expressions of impatience, disappointment, anger even. We are completely isolated socially and geographically, too. This is not going to get better, only worse, and I’m afraid; I’m sure he must be, too. I’m trying to work on compassion and self-compassion… Thanks Katherine for your honesty. I appreciate your hard work. Feels like I have a friend in the universe.