Parkinson’s disease makes cutting my food a challenge

One of the first symptoms I noticed before I was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease, besides a tremor in my pinky fingers, was difficulty managing a knife and fork. It’s one of those weird experiences that you can’t quite imagine until you experience it. And even when you do, it feels sort of unimaginable.

I love food and going out, but I started noticing that when I ate, I held my utensils awkwardly. I’ve been feeding myself with silverware basically my whole life, and now it just felt like something was wrong. I couldn’t make my hands behave normally and grip the knife and fork properly.

I’ve said before how Parkinson’s disease is like a war between your mind and your brain. Your mind — the conscious part of you that thinks your thoughts and makes your plans — may want you to hold your silverware the way you always have. But your brain — the mass of tissue and neurons and chemicals that make things happen — says, “Nope, not gonna do that.” You can’t think your way out of the symptoms of Parkinson’s, like moving slowly, getting “stuck” to the floor, or having small, illegible handwriting.

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The trouble with my hands was most obvious when I’d go to cut something, like a piece of steak. I was slow and clumsy. I went to a lot of work events and dinners at the time, and I vividly remember one occasion when I asked the waiter if the chef could pre-slice my steak. I knew it was the practical solution; I wasn’t going to ask a client to cut my food for me! But a part of me was embarrassed. I mean, here I was, with clients and colleagues at a fun, fancy dinner, trying to make a good impression, and then feeling like a toddler asking for her food to be cut up.

I’m lucky. Most people were kind and didn’t make a big deal about my asking the chef for help. But in those early years of my illness, I often left much of my meal uneaten if it required too much cutting. I’m also lucky that, so far, my eating issues are related to my hands, and not the swallowing difficulty that shows up in so many people as the disease progresses.

My strategies

Since my deep brain stimulation surgery almost seven years ago, my ability to maneuver my silverware has improved, but I still struggle. At home, it’s no big deal. My husband has adapted to cutting things for me before they even reach the table. And when I’m with family and friends at a restaurant, my husband will quietly swap plates with me and return mine with anything that requires a knife already sliced for me. (Have I mentioned he’s a hell of a guy?)

But now, when I’m out at public events or client meals, I have an ordering strategy. No matter how tempting the steak or chicken looks, I don’t order based on my hunger; I order based on what requires the least cutting and potential for mess. This means sandwiches and wraps are high on the list at lunch. No salads, because they often come with full leaves of lettuce that need to be cut before you put them in your mouth. And for dinner, it’s pasta or fish — preferably with the skin off so I can cut it with just my fork.

Mostly, I try not to let Parkinson’s run my life, and I’ll ask a server to have the kitchen slice something for me at times. Or I’ll just throw caution to the wind and order that steak! But paying attention to what I order to avoid drawing attention to myself is another tool I use to navigate the “normal” world, despite all my ever-evolving quirks.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.