My experiences with the stages of grief since my Parkinson’s diagnosis
Grief is sneaky and comes in all shapes and sizes
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Grief has a way of slipping in when you least expect it. Generally, I am a cheerful person, but lately I’ve felt a bit … sad? Apathetic? Angry?
The correct answer is all of the above. Is it because I have Parkinson’s disease? Or was it triggered by the loss of our beloved dogs last month? I think I’m still grieving the loss of my old self, the person who was strong both physically and emotionally. Mostly, I am tired of not being strong enough to pick up my granddaughter.
According to the social network MyParkinsonsTeam, people with Parkinson’s may experience the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. “The stages rarely happen in order,” the website notes, “and many people revisit some or all of the stages over and over after diagnosis.”
Reading about grief has made me reflect on how life has unfolded since my Parkinson’s diagnosis 11 years ago.
All shapes and sizes
Denial: Because another doctor had told me I didn’t have Parkinson’s, I had a hard time believing the neurologist when she told me that yes, I did have it. I asked her if she was sure, because I was certain it was a pinched nerve. I requested further testing. No pinched nerve, still Parkinson’s. For the past several months, I’ve had a lot of pain in my shoulder and arm, and guess what? It’s a pinched nerve, and it’s no fun at all.
Anger: Um, if anybody else mentions the keto diet as the key to curing myself, I might get violent. ‘Nough said.
Bargaining: This is the stage where we dwell on what we could have done better to avoid getting the disease in the first place, and often try to right the wrongs by eating better, exercising more, and if you’re as desperate as I was, having deep brain stimulation surgery. Even now, I still catch myself replaying old choices and wondering if things could have gone differently. Maybe you do, too.
Rest assured, getting Parkinson’s is not our fault. I exercised and ate well for years before my diagnosis. There is no way that we can blame ourselves for the devastation that this disease throws at us.
Depression: I like to think I skipped this stage, but every now and then, I drop by for a short visit. I let myself wallow, then drag myself to boxing class, my guaranteed mood-lifter. I rely on the “fake it ‘til you make it” trick — forcing a smile until it turns real, which, surprisingly, doesn’t take long.
Acceptance: This is when we come to terms with our disease. I know I have accepted it, but at the same time, I am still angry, occasionally depressed, wildly optimistic, and always looking for the next “thing” that will help alleviate my symptoms.
Grief is sneaky, and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Having a good support system is key to holding it at bay. If you don’t have family or friends close by, then I urge you to join boxing or any group that supports people with Parkinson’s disease.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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