‘Misery Moaning’ About Parkinson’s Disease Does No Good

I wouldn’t mind having a chronic illness if I didn’t have to feel sick all the time. But there is no good reason everyone around me must endure my complaints.

Negative self-talk is what I call “misery moaning.” Moaning and complaining about misery consumes otherwise productive hours in a day. It drains energy from the well of resources. These are resources I need to practice the toolkit. Brain rewiring needs time.

According to Loganholme Psychologist and Counseling Center, research from Stanford University has also found that “engaging in complaining or simply hearing someone complain for more than 30 minutes could physically damage our brains.”

Additionally, “The more frequently you complain, you increase your likelihood of thinking negative thoughts later. In neuroscience, the phrase ‘synapses that fire together wire together’ is used to explain this concept.”

Psychologist Wendy Rice, of the Rice Psychology Group, citing fellow psychologist Robin Kowalski, notes that “complaining without a real purpose doesn’t encourage happiness. In fact, this ‘expressive’ complaining causes people to focus more on their issues and can often be destructive. It can potentially push friends and family away, lead to additional anxiety, and even cause physical problems.”

What is behind “misery moaning”? Frustration? Anger? Pervasive thoughts of “why me?”

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Let me say that I’m not reticent about describing my Parkinson’s disease, as healthy communication is good for all. This is particularly true of new ailments or abnormal changes in my long-standing symptoms, which seem like a lengthy list sometimes. But even then, the dialogue is factual, informative (I hope), and not maudlin.

It is not easy to hold misery so close and guard it so tightly that it doesn’t spill out and contaminate all those who genuinely wish to help.

Mrs. Dr. C manages the home and office and is the main communication contact through which I converse with the world. The virtual world requires more CAPTCHAs (those murky photos from which I cannot discern the unique contents to prove I’m a human). There is also second-line verification required to provide another level of code to access every website. Don’t ask if I can finger my way through the websites and code inserts. It falls to Mrs. Dr. C to be that contact in my stead — my eyes and fingers.

This allows me the time to contemplate and write. The least I can do in return is keep “miserable moaning” tucked away and out of harm’s way. So what if these tasks fall to Mrs. Dr. C? I can be gracious and thank her and continue to work on not complaining.

I can work on positive self-talk by knowing my biological cycles with Parkinson’s. I can know that “this too shall pass.”

Misery and relief

Explaining it as just fight-or-flight response doesn’t do justice to the interwoven relationship between misery and grasping for its relief. The misery demands our attention, and we respond with grasping (or clenching with defense).

Still, wouldn’t it be nice if I could take my misery to someone who could make it all go away? I’m not talking about love or a friendship. I’m talking about that voracious craving to be cuddled out of misery, if only for a few minutes.

The response is a normal part of our nature. Acting it out as “miserable moaning” is destructive to well-being — for us and those around us.

It’s a choice that I practice. I choose not to listen to misery. I choose not to follow my cravings and the urge to grasp for anything to help me feel better.

Instead, I have made a sacred promise to my God and my partner to do everything possible, every day, to limit the effects of misery in our lives. I will endeavor to bring sacredness into my life as often as I can.

I think the shift from misery to sacredness starts with faith and a fierce determination. It is a perspective that both Mrs. Dr. C and I use to help us manage this obviously miserable chronic illness. Sacredness steers intention in a way that benefits Parkinson’s self-management.

We are not entitled to a good life without suffering. Instead, we must create that life for ourselves and fill it with serenity.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.