Caring for a friend gave me insight into the challenges of being a caregiver
I hadn't realized how much time and effort it takes to care for someone else
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A few weeks ago, a friend of mine took a serious fall while riding a Onewheel around an obstacle course. While lying on the ground, he felt a head-splitting pain. An MRI showed that he had torn his rotator cuff and needed surgery. Before long, I was ushering him to the surgical center, giggling when he awoke from anesthesia, and watching over him while he recovered from the procedure.
Over the course of a week, I prepared meals, administered medications on time, and helped my friend shower and dress. As time passed, I had to find the right balance between pushing him to reclaim his autonomy and jumping to support him at the first sign of trouble. My instinct was often to get up and reduce whatever challenge he faced, whether that meant unscrewing the lid of his water bottle or assembling a taco. But I realized that at some point, he needed to begin reclaiming his own life to his greatest capacity.
And truthfully, by the end of it all, I was mentally exhausted.
My sleep quality slowly declined over the course of the week, though I don’t know if it was because of my own worries, the change in environment, or something else entirely. But by the end, I was thinking a lot about long-term caregiving and how that must shape my parents’ home.
Since I live in a different state from my dad, who has Parkinson’s disease, I’m not privy to my parents’ day-to-day experiences. I know that, as his main caregiver, my mom adopts many of the same responsibilities that I did while caring for my friend. She prepares meals, wheels my dad around when his meds wear off, and does his laundry. But until I experienced the emotional cost of caregiving myself, I don’t think I realized just how much time and effort it takes to care for someone else. Or how caregiving might affect her own hobbies, sense of self, and mental energy.
To stay alert and aware of my friend’s struggles, I temporarily abandoned many of my own routines, hobbies, and experiences for the week. The structure of my life changed.
I’m not saying any of this to suggest that we shouldn’t provide such care for one another. But I do think it’s worth acknowledging the tax of caregiving.
Love is a motivator. If I can make someone else’s life less challenging, I want to do so. And I often find that the most enduring relationships in my life are forged out of adversity. We have to experience hard things together to reach a certain depth of friendship. Humans are also, by nature, hive creatures. We need each other. But caregiving can be tough, too.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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