Engaging with others by asking questions can make them feel seen
All of us have lives beyond our diagnoses, and a little curiosity goes a long way
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A couple of months ago, a fellow boxer from my Parkinson’s boxing program passed away. I didn’t go to his memorial, but he was a well-loved member of the community, and apparently there were many hundreds of people there to celebrate him. A friend and I were musing on how little we knew about him, beyond his Parkinson’s diagnosis. According to his friends, he was an artist, a writer, a collector, and a very funny guy who will be missed tremendously. We both regretted not getting to know him better.
Sometimes I feel so wrapped up in the Parkinson’s story, including other people’s diagnoses as well as my own, that it’s hard to see beyond it. Why don’t I ask more questions when given the opportunity? Sometimes I worry about feeling awkward or intrusive, but genuine curiosity can open doors to meaningful connections.
Many years ago, after my Parkinson’s diagnosis in 2015, but before having deep brain stimulation surgery in 2021, my husband, John, and I were camping in the U.S., escaping our cold Canadian winter, when we met someone with an interesting back story — and, fortunately, I did ask questions!
We have a cute little teardrop camper that always sparks conversation. It features an outdoor kitchen, and the interior is compact but boasts a double bed and a full bathroom. It’s sort of like camping in a dollhouse.
We were headed to a campsite in the middle of nowhere in Florida and stopped for gas and to stretch our legs. The gas station had two other customers at the time, a couple, and they got talking to us about our trailer. So I showed them the kitchen and extolled its virtues.
We were telling this couple that we had recently retired, and that John was a farmer and I was a chef, and he told us that he used to play football. We found out that after being a football player, he became a coach, and then eventually retired. We talked for a long time in the middle of that gas station. He seemed like a genuinely lovely person. Just before we parted company, I asked for his name. He told us he used to have red hair, so his nickname was “Red,” and his last name was Dawson. For the rest of the trip, we called him “Uncle Red” whenever we spoke about meeting him, because we enjoyed him so much and felt a real bond.
When we got home a couple weeks later, I looked him up. Yes, we were chatting up the famous Red Dawson, who’s life was portrayed in the 2006 movie “We Are Marshall.” We had no idea. The funny thing is that I know nothing about football, and probably would’ve felt intimidated if I’d known who he was at the time.
Asking questions is so important and makes life so much more interesting. For those of us with Parkinson’s disease, or any disease, we need to see each other beyond our diagnosis. Yes, I love to talk about Parkinson’s, but I also like to talk about many other things. Let’s ask more questions and allow each other to feel seen and valued beyond our health conditions.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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