Choosing to be positive is better than getting stuck at the pity party
It's OK to wallow once in a while, but positivity helps in life with Parkinson's
The name of my column is “The Unshakable Optimist,” so you might expect that I’m always happy. That idea would make most of my friends snort with laughter. I’m fun, but I can still get pretty cranky sometimes.
I am fundamentally optimistic, but I’m far from a Pollyanna. I do, however, believe that my optimism is one of the reasons I’ve been able to thrive despite my Parkinson’s disease diagnosis over 11 years ago, at the age of 36.
I like being an optimist. It gives me a sense of control to worry less about the “why” or “what if” and to focus on the “what’s next?” But I’m also fond of saying that if you’re not at the gas station mini-mart in your PJs buying ice cream for breakfast once in a while, you’re living life wrong.
What I mean by that is that it’s OK to wallow sometimes. We all have bad days. And it’s OK to mourn what you thought your future would be, especially when you’re diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease. Being told you have a devastating, incurable, progressive, neurological disease right as you’re about to enter what should be the prime of your adulthood is indeed a jolt to the system. You need some time to wallow and grieve a “what if” or “what could’ve been.” The problem comes when you spend too much time at the pity party.
Someone once described depression as wishing for a past you can never return to and anxiety as living in a future you can’t control. One way to stay in the present is to choose to be an optimist. Yes, it’s a choice; it’s not something that just appears. It’s about deciding to live in the now and being excited for what’s next, not remaining in the depression or anxiety.
Managing feelings
At the same time, you need to be realistic about your situation and not ignore the disease or avoid doing what you can to improve your future. I saw actor Michael J. Fox speak once, and he compared having Parkinson’s with having an unruly dog. If you train and discipline a dog, feed it well, and take it out for walks and socialization, you’ll have a strong relationship and everything else can go on as usual. If you don’t take care of all those needs, it will eat your furniture.
Being an optimist is a lot like that. You have to make the right choices and do the necessary things. In Parkinson’s, that means taking your meds, staying active, getting sleep, and eating right. If you do these things, you can continue most of your life as usual. If you don’t, Parkinson’s will eat your furniture.
Every day as humans, Parkinson’s patients, and caregivers, we have a choice to make. We need the pity party once in a while to process and mourn, but we also have to know when to end it and choose optimism.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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Jane Ann Nelson
some good advice.
Cheri Allison
My hubby was diagnosed in 2020 with PD. We’ve been having a difficult time with all if it as we were extremely active before bit finding it difficult to be so now.
Love your attitude and this article. We’re keeping it to help remind us that we’ have a choice.
Thanks a bunch!
Charles Wayne Weart
So true, we have to celebrate what we can still do and live everyday to the fullest! I want to wear out not rust out. I believe that we need to continue to keep both our minds and body active to reduce our disease progression. Thank you for your post and we wish you a wonderful and blessed Christmas season and an active and prosperous New Year!🎄🍾☃️
Sheila weaveri
I have just gotten Parkinson at 80 yrs n don't know how to handle it? Scared n trying to live with it. Pray for me!
William Palmer
Thank you, Mollie. I, and I'm sure countless others, need your message this holiday. Yes, PD will eat our furniture and our house, if we let it. Bless you.
Eugene Bracci
My car idols levidopa does not seem to be doing anything for my Parkinson’s. I am going insane with the OUT of control drooling, all day, everyday! The CL has no effect on it, in fact, I think it may have caused it! IT HAS AFFECTED MY VOICE BIG TIME, I can barely talk and be understood. My neurologist has ordered an MRI on my brain. She thinks I may have had a stroke recently. Any advice?
Anne Wray
Excellent column!!! Thank you.
Michelle Noble
I was diagnosed clinically in 2016 with PD. I have always looked at my PD as a blessing because in the process of inquiring about PD we discovered I had a brain tumor that had to come out. Since my diagnosis I have purposely chosen to chose joy everyday. Yes, I have had pity parties but never in public or around other people. My pity parties when I have one is usually from frustration getting dressed. Especially putting shoes on, But in spite of these moments of frustration I still choose joy. Life is too short to spend it at a pity party.