Being brave is an unexpected requirement of Parkinson’s
My husband's DBS surgery wasn't an easy decision to make
I remember when my kids were small and I’d hear the patter of tiny feet running toward my bedside, usually at 3 a.m. I knew the reason would be one of two things: the stomach flu or a bad dream. If it was the latter, I breathed a sigh of relief, explained that the dream was only in their mind, and assured them it wasn’t real. That was usually enough of an explanation to get them back to bed. My son, Jake, would always look at me with his big, brown eyes and say, “Mommy, I will be your brave boy and go back to sleep.”
But what does it mean to be brave? Are we born brave or do we learn how based on our life experiences? Does bravery come easier to some than it does to others? Do some of us never learn how to be brave?
These days, when I think of bravery, I immediately think of my husband, Arman. About seven years after he was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease, he decided to undergo deep brain stimulation surgery (DBS).
As a physician himself, Arman was terribly skeptical about DBS, even though his neurologist thought that it would be the best possible treatment option for him. He avoided the surgery until we simply had no other choice in the matter. At that point, his body was constantly in motion due to his severe dyskinesia, and he was falling more often because his balance was worsening.
It’s time
Even though Arman didn’t want to hear of it, I finally told him it was time to seriously consider DBS. He was deeply concerned about possible complications of the surgery, as well as missing out on any future therapies that DBS might preclude him from. But his surgeon put his mind at ease during our appointments, and he agreed to give it a go.
Although I was the one who had been pushing for DBS, I was also the one who felt the worst the morning of the surgery. As we were preparing to leave for the hospital, I worried that maybe it wasn’t the right choice or that I had forced him into the decision.
I was the opposite of brave; I was a wreck. But I had to be strong for Arman and our kids, who needed me.
Just like Jake after his bad dreams, I forced myself to become a brave wife and mother. I left before sunrise to drive Arman to the hospital to undergo brain surgery. As the kids and I kissed him goodbye before he headed into the operating room, I was amazed at how comfortable he was with the decision. He knew that surgery was the best choice for our family, marriage, and future. After years of trepidation about DBS, he had made peace with the idea; he was ready. He didn’t even seem nervous at all.
Thankfully, we are blessed with a strong support system. Our families live nearby and are always there when we need them. A large group of us sat and waited for almost 12 hours during the first day of surgery. We took over a large area in the waiting room and wound up having a great day. Every minute of that day, I felt braver and stronger, as if I could conquer the world.
When we were finally able to see him after what felt like years of waiting, he was all bandaged up like a mummy. When he saw me, he smiled from ear to ear. I noticed that his smile looked different, yet familiar.
I didn’t leave his side that night and slept on the chair beside his bed in the hospital room. Although he was in great pain, he handled it like a champion. As I lay next to him, tossing and turning, attempting to find a moment of comfort on the vinyl reclining chair, I imagined that DBS would be the miracle that we were hoping for.
While driving home from the hospital the next day, we held hands as we always do, but a little more tightly than usual. I told him how proud I was of him and that I was in complete awe of his strength and bravery. He looked right back at me and told me that he was thinking the same thing about me.
I guess it’s true when they say that great minds think alike.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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