I wish I could take my husband’s pain away
Sometimes I dream about taking his Parkinson's on myself
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After a long day of juggling work and caregiving, I love to relax and unwind with a cozy blanket, curling up on the couch. My husband and I enjoy watching all kinds of TV shows, and this is our time for it. We laugh out loud as we enjoy silly sitcoms or reality TV nonsense. These evenings have become our ritual, a predictable feeling of comfort in an otherwise unpredictable life.
Our laughter often comes to an abrupt halt as a painfully sad commercial comes on: a cold, shivering dog with despondent eyes, looking out through rusty jail-like bars, accompanied by depressing music. These advertisements make my heart crumble into a million pieces. When I see them, I can feel the dogs’ pain, and I am so physically triggered that I immediately call the number on the screen, credit card in hand, and pledge my support to save a dog from this misery.
Feeling the pain of animals is not the end of the road for my empathetic heart. As I care for my husband, Arman, I experience a recurring dream related to Parkinson’s disease. Although Arman was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2009, this dream has nothing to do with him. In fact, he’s not even a character in it. Instead, the dream focuses on me and my body.
How empathy shows up in my dreams
It always starts the same way, with me sitting at the edge of our bed and trying to move my legs, which feel as heavy as lead weights. The room looks exactly like our bedroom, yet everything feels different. My legs are like cement boulders; I am unable to move them, lift them with my arms, or stand. No matter what I try, my legs simply refuse to do what my brain tells them to. My mind says, “Get up and move!” and my body says, “Not happening.”
After several similar variations of this dream, I finally realized what was happening: I am dreaming of myself as a person with Parkinson’s disease, struggling with the same issues that I assist Arman with. The common thread in these dreams is that my legs feel so heavy that I can’t lift them or walk.
When I wake up, my heart is pounding. I realize I was dreaming that I could take Arman’s Parkinson’s away by taking it on myself. I feel a brief moment of gratitude that my legs still obey me, quickly followed by a deep sorrow that his don’t always do the same.
It’s a strange feeling, and every time it happens, I have to remind myself that the dream wasn’t real. No matter how hard I wish, I cannot take away this disease. I am unable to switch places with Arman and give him a break from it, even for a moment.
Because my husband is suffering and struggling with this progressive illness, as his wife of 30 years, I am, too. The discomfort he feels is also mine because we are so tightly connected, and I care so deeply about him.
The closest I have come to taking his pain away is doing so in my dreams, and unfortunately, it will always be that way. The best thing I can do is to continue to be a loving, supportive, empathetic, and patient caregiver for him.
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
Antonio Freire
Please have a look at leaking gut sindrome. Take gluten from his diet.
Jamie Askari
Thank you for the suggesstion!
Pam Mathison
I read your column regularly and this one hit me particularly hard. My husband has PD and PD-related dementia. While I don't have dreams of taking my husband's PD away, I often look at him and feel so sad that his ability to make any sense of the world is so diminished. I feel his pain and frustration when he just doesn't get how to connect two zipper pieces, or put on a shirt or pants the right way, or even figure out how to cut his meat. It's so challenging to stay positive while watching your loved one's abilities slowly and steadily vanish. Thanks for putting your thoughts together in such a way to allow others like me to relate.
Jamie Askari
Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I can certainly realte to feeling their pain, and struggle to watch how PD is taking over. I apprecite you reading, and I am glad to hear that you have enjoyed my perspective.
Best,
Jamie
Shaun Tracy
I didn’t want to see my husband deal with this disease either, so I did something about it. After much research, we came upon amino acid therapy. My husband is now living his full life again, with very minimal symptoms. It’s a process and entails some strict guidelines, but 3 years later, he is thriving again! Check it out!!
Jamie Askari
That's great to hear, good luck to you both!