When caregiver stress hits, I remember to have ‘just a little patience’

The other day, I was thumbing through a few dated and crinkled copies of Good Housekeeping while waiting for a medical appointment, trying to relax. I tried to view the wasted time as an unexpected break from life, only to realize that I might be late for a meeting scheduled after the appointment. I took a few deep breaths and tried to remain calm and collected, but it wasn’t easy.

When I’m not idly passing time with old magazines in doctors’ waiting rooms, I’m a caregiver to my husband, Arman, who was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease.

Over the past 15 years, I’ve learned that patience is essential as a caregiver. Whether caring for a friend, a family member, or working professionally, maintaining a steady temperament during stressful moments makes all the difference.

But what if you’re a caregiver and patience doesn’t come naturally? Is it a skill that can be learned or mastered over time?

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Slowing things down

As you might have gathered from my waiting room experience, patience isn’t my strongest trait. I’m keenly aware of this and am determined to improve. As a caregiver, my impatience sometimes makes our interactions more challenging as the disease progresses. My goal is to do whatever I can to make life easier for both of us.

So what am I doing to build my patience, short of singing one of my favorite Guns N’ Roses songs?

Lately, I’ve been making a conscious effort to slow down and take time to “smell the roses,” as the saying goes. I often feel rushed to clear my mind of every task, and the more hurried I feel, the less patient I become.

When my plate feels overflowing and my patience is running thin, I make a list of tasks and check them off one by one. Each check mark brings a sense of relief. Although it often feels like everything needs to be done today, I remind myself that it’s OK to let some things wait until tomorrow. Less stress almost always leads to greater patience.

People with Parkinson’s disease often experience communication issues, such as softer or harder-to-understand speech. I’m working on listening more and speaking less, allowing my husband time to express himself. It’s important to give him space to get his words out, rather than jumping in to speak for him.

Recently, we went to Chipotle for a quick dinner. As we walked in, I immediately became nervous about the long line ahead of us, since Arman tends to fall more often when standing still. My patience was unraveling quickly as the line moved slowly, and it looked like they might even run out of guacamole by the time we reached the front!

Standing at the counter, I found it almost impossible to let Arman place his own order, especially as the line continued to grow behind us. My instinct was to step in and “help,” but I knew the better choice was to give him the space and independence to speak for himself.

Each day brings new challenges, sometimes unexpected, that test my patience. Finding humor in these moments helps prevent frustration, reduce stress, and spark laughter. Arman and I usually manage to find a laugh, even in the tough times.

Building patience takes time, effort, and dedication. It’s like a mental workout to strengthen those “weak muscles.” But with daily practice, you may find yourself calmer, less stressed, and maybe even able to give yourself a well-deserved break.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.