Parkinson’s puts our ‘in sickness and in health’ vows to the test
Yet in 19 years of marriage, my husband's kindness has never wavered
October is a busy month in my household. We celebrate both my husband’s birthday and our wedding anniversary. It’s been 19 years this year, and I can say that we never imagined where we’d be now when we said “I do.” When you plan your wedding, you don’t always think about things like Parkinson’s disease, but if it eventually happens, you realize the power of your vows.
I always knew my husband was a kind and generous person. He even spent his 50th birthday — without complaint — in a hospital waiting room with my dad while I had the first phase of deep brain stimulation (DBS) surgery. But his support goes beyond not making a fuss over his birthday. I’ve been asked what makes him so special and how I knew he was the one. I can answer with three examples.
First of all, I like to say he’s the kind of man who makes sure the bird feeders are full before a snowstorm. He notices people and things that need protection and goes out of his way to ensure they are taken care of.
Secondly, he knows what everybody drinks. By this I mean that if we’re going to a gathering at someone’s house or having people over, he’ll stop by the store and pick up a particular bottle of wine, or type of beer, or even a fun new mocktail for friends who don’t drink. He doesn’t try to get people to like or drink what he likes. Instead, he considers what they would like, and by getting something specifically for them, he shows his friends he was thinking of them.
Lastly, he remembered the mustard. I’ve never been a big fan of yellow mustard, but even when I lived alone while we were dating, I usually kept some on hand for recipes. When we first started going out, I made him my aunt’s famous turkey sloppy Joes, which required mustard for the sauce. I had just enough to make the recipe one night when he was over. The next time he visited, he brought me mustard because he knew I’d run out.
These are not huge romantic gestures. But they are signs of his kindness and his observant and selfless nature, which is what attracted me to him in the first place.
That’s not to say that these virtues haven’t been tested, though. When I was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson’s disease at age 36, he was just 43. We were in the prime of everything — careers, family, friends. This was not part of the plan. No one deserves this. Yet my husband received the news with grace and pulled us both into action. He asked, “What’s next?” and faced the challenges straight on. He let me cry and feel bad as I dealt with the diagnosis, but he never wavered from being willing to fight.
He has remained that kind, thoughtful person as we navigate my always-changing physical capabilities. He does things like ski without me (skiing was never really my thing, anyway). But he’ll make sure we have the right swim ladder on the boat so I can spend time on the water with family and friends. He makes sure I’m still included in our life, despite the challenges.
Twelve of our 19 years as a married couple have been spent battling Parkinson’s disease. It hasn’t been easy, and neither of us has been perfect. We have stupid fights and big, important discussions like anyone else. We get frustrated and pissed off at the world and each other from time to time. We also laugh and enjoy our lives, and love each other fiercely. We never give up.
Caregiving is hard work. So is marriage. I’m just so lucky to have a partner in both who has made the past 12 years of fighting possible — and sometimes even a lot of fun. I love you, babe!
Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.
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