Living with Parkinson’s reminds me what friends are for 

Recently I got to spend time with my best friend from back home. We met in seventh grade, and it was 30 years ago this month that we graduated high school together. I don’t think either of us could’ve imagined then where we’d both end up. I live in eastern Massachusetts, and she lives in northern Michigan. She has four amazing kids, and I don’t have any (but I’m an awesome auntie!). I have Parkinson’s disease, and she doesn’t.

We’re lucky that we’ve made it a priority to see each other every few years, because it’s so easy to let life get in the way, especially over physical distance, let alone an obstacle like Parkinson’s. And it can be an obstacle, both emotionally and physically.

Because she’s known me so long, she’s seen my evolution with the disease, and she knows me from the “BPD” time (before Parkinson’s disease). It’s good to be reminded of those days. But it’s also good to know that I’m loved and valued just as much now that the disease impacts my life.

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I’m also lucky she’s a good enough friend that she volunteers to help with things when she comes to stay, such as cooking, letting me nap when I need it, washing her sheets before she leaves, and that she won’t hold it against me when I say yes to the help she offers. It’s been hard to let go of things I like to do, like entertaining, as my physical abilities have changed. But good friends help pick up the slack.

My friend arrived on a Wednesday to spend some girl time with me while my husband was on a weeklong trip. As a caregiver, he was on a break, too, enjoying a trip out west with a buddy. My friend and I were joined by her family on Saturday to spend some time together before they continued their vacation and college tour. (Yes, she has college-age kids. I feel so old.) On Saturday afternoon, we had a cookout with everyone.

Usually, entertaining without my husband there to do much of the work would stress me out to no end. But my friend and her family seamlessly picked up the slack. I’d done the preparation I could, but I handed out jobs and let go of my need to control things, and we all had a great time. Her husband grilled, the kids set the table and cleared the dishes, and she made salad and got drinks. And I relaxed and had fun with all of them.

That is what friends are for. To love you not for how big of a party you can throw, or because you can stand up by a grill to cook. They loved you when you could do all those things, and they love you just as much now.

I am a person who sees my value in what I can do for others. Like the character Monica on “Friends,” “I’m always the hostess!” I feel like my value in relationships has diminished if I can’t be the “hostess with the mostest.” But real friends remind me that I’m enough as I am, with Parkinson’s disease or not.

Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.