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How do you answer, "How are you?"
“How are you?” is such a commonly asked question that I hardly think twice about it these days. Rarely do I say anything beyond “Busy” or “good” or “busy but good!” even if that isn’t really the case. Unless I’m talking privately with someone I know very well, I rarely open up and share honestly about how I’m really doing (be it good or bad).
What about you? How do you answer the question? Like me, do you have standard quick response for most people, or do you take the time to really answer the question honestly every time?
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51 Replies
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Like Ally I usually give the quick response. or sometimes “challenging” or sometimes I say (truthfully) “I am very lucky, it has been 12 years since diagnosis and it’s progressing slowly”. Or “now I know what high maintenance really means”, or “i am learning too much about medical science” or “fascinating disease if you don’t have it”. I’d like to find some more humorous responses, because I think maintaining a sense of humor is a big help to yourself as well as to those around you.
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Julian, I think that’s a great approach. I’m also working on being honest/direct about my challenges while also maintaining a positive and grateful mindset. Humour is great for taking the edge off hard news, too. 🙂
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My standard answer is “great” because if I’m not it lifts my spirits. Truth be told if I really think about all I have to be grateful for I should change my response to “fantastic!”. Have a great day!
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Great attitude Bob! I usually say ” Do you really want to know?” LOL
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Love your positive attitude, Bob! I bet it’s contagious. 🙂
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Can’t complain, or I’m fine.
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good answers lou, sometimes i am just too tired to explain…
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When anyone tells me I’m “looking good” I respond, “That’s cause I’ve got my clothes on”.
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lol
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Hahaha! Good one, Lou! I get the “but you look great” response quite a lot. It’s a bit flustering, as I know people are trying to be complimentary, and yet it totally discounts how I actually feel (and diminishes the far-reaching effects and challenges of this disease).
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Too funny, Lou! You have a great sense of humour.
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Doing well, unless it’s a close friend they know better. I try to stay positive.
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It is good ::))
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Mehmet, good answer!
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franciso, thank you for sharing… here is english translation:
To friends I say * Like Steel * To the curious * Never Worse *. I do not stretch much. I prefer to talk about other topics.
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It’s a habit to call this question “I’m fine.”
I’m not really good. However I like to say, “Well, let’s be good”.-
Mehmet, i think you are on to something! By saying you are good may help you to be ‘good’ even if you dont feel that way
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Aos amigos digo*Como o Aço* Aos curiosos*Nunca Pior*.Não me alongo muito.Prefiro falar sobre outros temas.
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I generally say that I’m doing well, especially if it’s someone I’m not close to or who doesn’t know I have PD. I haven’t told a lot of people, but with those I’ve told, I might say, “I’m doing okay,” or “So so,” or something along those lines if I’m not feeling particularly well right then. I guess it all depends on the person and the circumstances.
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Not to be so critical, but when I’m asked that question I always think. . . “Do you really want to know?” I think most people ask that question because they don’t know what else to ask, but they really don’t want to know the answer. So, it’s just easier to say, “Oh I’m doing great.”
The one I get asked the most is, “Are you limping? Did you hurt your leg?” I know I shouldn’t, but I enjoy saying, “Oh, no. I have Young Onset Parkinson’s disease.” Nine times out of ten the person is at a loss of words and I just smile. Then they usually say, “I’m sorry.” And I always say, “Don’t be sorry. I’m not. I’m actually lucky. Do you realize the percentages are so low for women my age to develop YOPD? I feel lucky that I’m one of those few women in the world. God must have something really special planned for me.” 🙂
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i too think to myself “do you really want to know?” i think this is an issue that afflicts anyone with a chronic illness. keeping our sense of humor about it helps.
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When asked how I am I sometimes say “I’m hanging in” or I’m here. Only close family really want to know how I actually am.
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carol, so true, most people have their own crosses to bear and do not want to hear our woes 🙁
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<p style=”text-align: left;”>I normally just say, “good” because I will usually appear no worse than when you last saw me. The truth of the matter is that I am almost always doing very badly. After struggling with this disease for 31 years now, I am about ready to throw in the towel!</p>
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I can’t imagine living with PD for 31 years … although, I probably have been living with it for 15-20 years (as that’s when I first started to have symptoms). I was only diagnosed earlier this year, but I can honestly say that there have been days when I would have gratefully thrown in the towel too. PD can do that to a person. But I truly hope that you aren’t at that point yet (at least not every day)!
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Jacob, you are still standing and here to talk about it. PD is such a frustrating disease and you have been battling it for so many years. Hang in there.. I understand how you may feel. I cant remember when I last had a good day..
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Compared to some folks who have been living PD every day for 30 + years, I feel fortunate. Diagnosed in 2009 and retiring in 2010 due to the various implications and complications this insidious affliction affords, my journey seems short. Having read many of the posts on these forums and consumed what seems like buckets of medical preparations, encouragement from any quarter is welcome. The challenges are constant, exhausting, frustrating, and at times a bit embarrassing. I worked all over the world, travelled to many places. Often under varied conditions of questionable safety, food quality, sanitary conditions, ect. and continuation of this regimen was impractical, thus retirement became option 1.
I applaud those who retain a humorous outlook and offer their encouragement. Sharing daily battles may lead to new approaches for many of us.
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Dan, well said
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Carol, Jacob – help keep me going too. I can’t know how you feel, but I can guess. Someone once told me that big challenges were like eating a large elephant. If you start at the tail, you get the nasty bit over with first and by the time you get to the front part that eats peanuts, the taste gets better. I’ve tasted lousy peanuts before, still working on it.
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Hi, Dan. A sense of humor can help everything (even PD), and when we don’t feel very humorous, others who do can help us with a laugh or two. Your post about the elephant gave me a good chuckle for the day, so you’re helping to keep me (and others) going, and hopefully we can return the favor. Thank you!
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My standard “Excellent, but I’ll get better” works most of the time.
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LOL! That’ll make them think twice, Dan! 😀
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Thus, “Excellent, but I’ll get better”, seems as suitable a response as I can muster.
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good one dan..
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good one dan..
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I haven’t told many people so I just usually say I’m doing great. If they ask about the limp I just usually just say it’s my back. If it’s someone I told I may go a little bit deeper but generally I keep it simple.
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Hi Scott, thanks for sharing. Have you given any thought to when you might want to start disclosing your diagnosis, or are you going to try to keep it private for as long as possible? Can I ask why you’re not sharing it with others? (Sorry if these questions are too personal – you’re under no obligation to respond to these either!)
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Scott, keeping it simple is probably the best approach. Everyone has their own challenges to deal with and they probably do not want to hear about outs…
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Hi Ally, I don’t mind answering at all. There are a few people who do know. I’ve been telling them as I see them. Since I work for my Brother in law, him and his wife know. I have told some of our closest friends. ( interestingly they all were fighting back tears and I’m telling them have faith because I’m doing everything to fight it).
It’s not really that I’m trying to be private. My main concern is that I have 87 year old parents and 85 year old in laws. They , of course have their own issues. I don’t want to give them more to handle. I do limp from PD but they buy it being my back because I’ve has a few back issues. The day may come that I have to tell them but for now I feel I need to do that even though it’s hard. ( my PT, who also has PD never told his mom. I know someone who told his parents he was going to a convention when he had heart surgery). I’ve told those who know please never put it on Facebook because even in their 80’s my parents and in laws look at that. -
Hi Mary Beth,
I thought I would feel more relief than I did feel. This might be because I’m more concerned about my parents and in laws. I still have a few friends to tell. I think this is all part of the acceptance phase, which I think takes a while. I’m out there exercising and my local fitness place has a PD specific program. I think in my mind so far that’s more important than the process of letting folks know.
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I usually just say “I’m good, how are you doing”?
I also haven’t told anyone other then my kids and my parents. And I don’t think my parents really understand parkinson’s because whenever my mom sees my tremor in my hand she will say to me when are you going to go to the doctor and get that fixed. I have to laugh to myself because I wish it was that easy to fix. My parents are in their 90’s and I’m the one taking care of them so I don’t elaborate about what I’m going through because I don’t want them to worry about me. I haven’t told anyone at work because I feel like people would look at me differently. And I haven’t told any friends or my siblings either. I guess its just kinda hard to start that conversation.
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Mary Beth, I too do Rock Steady. I never thought I’d get into boxing but I like it! I just keep moving.
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scott, i do rock steady too and love it, best thing to ever happen to PwP….
Perhaps you might enjoy some articles I have written about Rock Steady Boxing:
https://parkinsonsnewstoday.com/2018/08/21/parkinsons-rock-steady-boxing-mental-push/
https://parkinsonsnewstoday.com/2018/09/04/parkinsons-battle-continues-rock-steady-boxing-classes/
https://parkinsonsnewstoday.com/2018/09/18/parkinsons-disease-battle-complacency/
https://parkinsonsnewstoday.com/2019/02/26/rock-steady-boxing-parkinsons-disease-left-room/
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