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Dating and PD
I recently found myself back in the dating game after the end of a year and a half long relationship that developed on the heels of my divorce. Accordant with the times, I am online looking for potential interests. I recently established a connection with a woman with whom I was communicating regularly. I have been open about my PD on Facebook and she saw an infographic about Parkinson’s that I had posted as my cover photo. Long story short, she bowed out of a date because she didn’t want to get involved with someone who has PD. How are we to navigate the online landscape as PwPs? On one hand, it would be preferable to go into new relationships without revealing the condition, but on the other it seems a matter of integrity and honesty to be open about it. How are people finding the balance?
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3 Replies
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Ohh, boy. I’m sure that didn’t feel great. I think if integrity and honesty are important to you, being open about your diagnosis is important. The people who aren’t worth your time will self-select themselves out of your dating pool.
That being said, have you thought about waiting until you’ve had a chance to meet someone and get to know them a bit in person to talk to them about your diagnosis? A lot of people are ignorant about what life with PD means and I’m sure Dr. Google has contributed to more than a few misconceptions of the disease. PD is definitely a big part of your life, but I doubt it’s your entire identity, so maybe allowing someone to get to know you first could help?
What do you think? I’m divorced too and I don’t lead with that information or a few other things that I would consider critical to know about me – just not right away. Maybe PD would fall under that category?
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At 72, 22 years a widow, I’m unlikely to enter the dating game. But if I did, I would hate having to tiptoe around a topic that involves such a significant part of my life. It’s not like you can keep it a secret once you meet.
I think one would be better off to introduce the subject earlier rather than later and let the chips fall where they may. Since I frequently make fun of my symptoms (my grandson calls me turtle), I would make some joke about my Parkinsons and go from there.
Another suggestion is to go to meetings and /or exercise classes for Parkinson’s clients and see if anyone interests you, client or caregiver. That’s where I find myself, in TaiChi class comparing notes on exercise programs, doctors and new treatments with a man whose warmth and caring demeanor tempts me to see if he is available, or just wants to share a cup of coffee. Haven’t followed up on that though.
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While it can be tempting to hide your condition at the beginning of a relationship, being open and honest about it can help you avoid potentially hurtful situations down the line.
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“While it can be tempting to hide your condition at the beginning of a relationship, being open and honest about it can help you avoid potentially hurtful situations down the line.
As for finding a balance, it’s ultimately up to you to decide when and how to disclose your condition. Some people may choose to bring it up early on, while others may wait until they’ve gotten to know someone better. You could also try looking for support groups or dating websites specifically for people with chronic conditions like PD, where you might have a better chance of finding someone who understands and is accepting. Such resources also helped me to learn how to date a coworker and and keep the job.
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