Janice Hetke
Forum Replies Created
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For three weeks I experienced dead people touching me while I was in bed. At first didn’t see anything or anyone. Instead, I experienced a movement on the bed as if someone decided to sit on my mattress. I felt the mattress sag. After a few days of this, I started to feel someone touching my feet, then legs. I had no clue as to what was happening. After about two weeks of this, I started to see the ghosts of people appearing at my bedside. I was awake, not dreaming. To make a long story short, eventually I saw my dad dressed in his old but favorite coat and hat. I saw his unmistakable body outline and clothes, but not his face. Earlier, when I went to bed, I thought I experienced another heart attack (I had already had one ten years earlier.) So when my dad “appeared,” I asked him, “Dad, are you here to take me away?” He wordlessly nodded. I asked another question, “Will I be having another heart attack tonight? Is that why you’re here?” Again, he just nodded. Calmly accepting my fate, I sat up in bed so that I could face him, then I put my hand out for him to take. His hand came toward me and as we were to touch, our hands crossed palms but then it was as if his hand evaporated as our hands passed through one another. The next I knew, it was morning and I had survived. Up until this point, I hadn’t told anyone about these experiences because I didn’t want my husband or adult children to think I was crazy. But after my dad’s “visit,” I decided to say something to my husband. It was the best decision, because the first question he asked me is if I thought I was experiencing hallucinations due to my meds? I hadn’t thought of it. Next day I contacted my neurologist, and yes, my meds were causing me to hallucinate. The hallucinations didn’t go away at first, but after a few days, with adjusting the meds, they eventually disappeared. When this first started, it scared me senseless, and I hated the thought of going to bed. Now I know to talk to my husband (or doctor) when something happens to me that I don’t understand.
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The video was entertaining. I would add to his list, not to take yourself too seriously. Not to become a martyr to this disease. Yes, PD is a life changer, but it is not life threatening. From my viewpoint, I have seen people far worse off than myself, and it makes me realize what a good life I have. How can I say that and really mean it? I can because I choose to believe it. So, if you feel like life has dumped on you, shake off any defeatist attitude and find joy in your day. It’s there.
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This is a speculation on my part with no hard evidence; but I believe my four siblings and myself were exposed to insecticides when we were living in Phoenix, AZ. We moved to Arizona in 1959, to a brand new home located a block away from a cotton field. My guess is that our new home was either built on ground that had previously been a cotton field, or the land was sprayed with herbicides before the homes were built. In addition, the nearby cotton field was sprayed with herbicides/insecticides on a regular occurrence.
Per the American Cancer Society regarding exposure to certain chemicals and drugs:
“Some studies have suggested that chemicals such as benzene and certain herbicides and insecticides (weed- and insect-killing substances) may be linked to an increased risk of NHL,” (Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma). My sister died of NHL. I’m sure a wide-spread of diseases can be attributed to chemical spraying – especially before the 1970s when crop spraying wasn’t considered dangerous.Per Scientific American in its article, “How Dangerous is Pesticide Drift,” wrote that “The biggest risk from pesticide drift is to those living, working or attending school near larger farms which employ elevated spraying equipment or crop duster planes to apply chemicals to crops and fields. Children are especially vulnerable to these airborne pesticides, given that their young bodies are still growing and developing.”
Happily, both of my parents lived long lives. They had their own health issues, but they did not contract any of the diseases their five children had. Since I don’t believe genetics played a part in our diseases, I am confident that environmental factors were at fault. Had we known then what we know now….
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Jean, your pity party hat story had my husband & I laughing out loud. That’s just the kind of thing my husband would have said. One of my favorite stories is when my husband Bill & I went out to a little Italian restaurant. I forget the subject matter, but I remember I was very animated as I was speaking. I lifted my left arm, holding a fork with a speared meatball at the end. Naturally, because my arm was upright, I started to tremor a little harder than usual. Before I knew it, my arm waved back and forth several times, hard enough to launch the tiny Italian missile right past my husband’s head. He didn’t hesitate. He immediately went into a defensive mode; bending his head as he covered it with his arms, all the while dodging additional unseen, and unknown, meatballs. He had me in stitches. Instead of my being embarrassed, my wonderful husband diffused the situation and created a funny memory. Humor really is the best medicine.
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Hi Alley. Thanks for the kind words. The way I feel is innate. Usually, I don’t even think about how I feel. I just am. Living in the present helps. I don’t look back and the only reason I think toward the future is to think about something fun I’m looking forward to doing. Otherwise, I keep the future in the future. With multiple chronic diseases, I try not to dwell on the physical aspects of my life. I deal with them, but I don’t obsess. And may I say, without the loving support of both my husband and twin brother, my outlook might have been completely different. They keep me grounded and don’t let me take myself seriously. My husband makes me laugh at myself by doing silly antics in response to what I do. I absolutely love it when he makes fun because he doesn’t do it to be mean, but rather to make me smile and laugh. And I do.
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Even though I was unable to pull up or read Sherri Woodbridge’s article on “Your Disability Does Not Define You,” I absolutely believe this to be true. Environment or genetics caused my diseases; I did not, purposely. I’m still the same person I was before I contracted the four chronic diseases I now have. Yes, I deal with them on a minute to minute basis, but that’s just the physical part of me. My physicality does not define me. For instance, over the years, off and on, I have battled against being overweight. Was I a different person, inside, than when I was normal weight? Not at all. Being overweight made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin, but it did not change my personality or the person I am inside. I still hold the same beliefs, values and hopes as I once had. Inside of me, the part that houses my strength, my hopes, dreams, loves, heartaches and sorrows; still exist. I would feel this way regardless of my weight, or in spite of my diseases. For me, how I feel about myself transcends my diseases. I am who I am with or without them. Naturally, I would feel better if I were disease free; but I am still a happy, confident person regardless. My advice for those who do? Never let your disease(s) undermine the best parts of who you are inside You are so much more than that because you refuse to let your disease(s) dictate how you should think and feel. You are a warrior fighting to better and extend your life. It is up to you to define your disease(s), not the other way around.
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Ally, I’m glad I made you smile, but what was happening to you that made the beginning of your day rough? I really would like to know.