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Should we move house?
Hello. 8 months now that we have learnt about my husband’s PD. We are both still working, Although I can see that some days are difficult for him. Some days he cannot make it, so he has to take a day off. We live in a house where our room is on 1st floor. I am wondering if we should already consider moving to a house on ground floor only. Have you been through this already? Any comment, advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.
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20 Replies
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Hi amelie. I was diagnosed in 2015. I lived in a house by myself that had stairs. In 2017 I moved to a retirement community as I knew I didn’t want the responsibility of my house and hated shoveling snow in the winter. I still live independently knowing that if I need help I can easily move to assisted living and/ or nursing care in the same community should I need it. I have no regrets. However, selling the home I had lived in for over 3o years was not easy emotionally. It is good that u r thinking ahead. Take time to discuss with your husband and make an informed decision rather than potentially having to make a rash decision because u have to. Good luck
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Thank you Jean. Oh how I understand your emotions.
Yes our hearts say ‘this is our house’, but our mind say ‘may be it is reasonable to make the move now’, as nobody knows about the future.
I am the one raising the subject with my husband. What I am afraid too is that if & when we have to take this hard decision, he is not that well, and I will be alone dealing with all this, and on top will have to cater for him too. At the same time, we are trying to stay positive and say it might never happen…. Oh how hard all this is.
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This is definitely a very tricky subject, Amelie. Thank you for bringing it up. Planning for an uncertain future is challenging on its own, but when you add in the complex emotions that accompany chronic illness/disability and caregiving along with the stress of selling your home, it just gets that much tougher!
I think you’re wise to at least start the conversation now — talk to your husband about different options and try not to feel the pressure to make a decision right away. It’s a sensitive topic for both of you but if you start to take baby steps now, you’ll likely feel more prepared for the bigger decisions down the line. I would love to hear more from you as you and your husband move forward with this process. I’m sure your experience will be helpful to other members, too. 🙂
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Amelie, my heart goes out to you and your husband. You are in a very difficult position. However, I believe you are a strong woman since you are trying to plan for the future of you and your husband. With the help and support of 2 of my closest friends (who helped me through the loss of my soulmate in 2015) I was able to do what I needed to do to make the move to a place that gave me more security living by myself with an incurable, progressive disease.
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Hi, I was diagnosed in April of 2019, I have been considering for 2 years of selling my house and moving to a condo. I lived alone, with basement and second floor stairs. End of the day going up to bed was the worst. I chalked up my lack of motivation, sore muscles, fatigue to being over weight and growing old. It is now July 2019 I have sold my house of 13 years and bought a condo. I had two years to think about selling but, the PD diagnosis was the tipping point.
My old house is now be a family home soon to welcome a new baby. The new buyers will love the house as much as I loved living there.
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Debra, thanks for sharing. the PD diagnosis plus basement and 2nd floor stairs were the deciding factors for me as well. And, a young family with children moved into my house as well
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Thanks for sharing, Debra. Thinking about all the happy memories your home will help the new owners create put a smile on my face. I hope that you enjoy creating new memories of your own in your condo! 🙂
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Thank you Jean for your kind words.
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Thank you Debra for the sharing.
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Hi Ally, you made a good summary of it. Thank you. Yes I will be taking baby steps as you say. We have a smaller room downstairs, and a small bathroom too. So next week I am taking some days off, and with the help of some friends, we will bring a double bed which is upstairs, in the room downstairs. So then we will have a small room downstairs, which might be simpler to start with. For the moment he is Ok and can still climb the stairs. This will give us time to think better of the next steps. Yes we keep talking my husband and I about the good decision to be taken, and we are simply going around in circles…. So contradictory. We want to stay positive but at the same time we do not know what kind of future is waiting for us…
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Amelie, a major life change decision (especially if it was not in your plan ) deserves a fair amount of discussion between you and your husband. As for the future, I have found for myself, it is best not to worry about what could happen with my PD progression and focus on what I do have in the present moment. Yoga and meditation has helped me do this, although I admit, it can be quite challenging to focus on the present moment, especially when I am having a bad PD day.
Depending on your age and when you live, you might find a CCRC (Continuing Care Retirement Community) may be something you want to look into. That is the type of community I moved to. There are some in NY and I believe they are popular in Florida.
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Hi Jean, I am 57, and my husband 58, going on 59 next month. We are both still going to work. Although this morning he told me that he is feeling tired, and might consider stopping. Well we will see how it goes….. And yes it was not at all in our plans to move. So we are talking about it again and again… in order to take the right decision.
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Hi Amelie, my husband was diagnosed when he was 41 he will turn 62 this October. He now goes between moving and being frozen (not moving at all) multiple times during the day. Weirdly when he is very slow he can do stairs better than moving forward. We didn’t sell our house. We didn’t ever consider moving because of financial reasons however now that he can no longer do any repairs, jobs around the house any of that it has become a huge challenge because houses need constant maintenance and up keep. I find working and being a caregiver and trying to keep on top of everything at the house is very hard. I often think if we were in an apartment or condo there wouldn’t be all of that work. Just something to consider.
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As you weigh your options, it’s essential to consider how the move could impact both of you in the long term. Seeking advice from others who have been through similar experiences could provide valuable insights and support.
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Oh…it’s been quite some time since you posted about the possibility of moving to a ground-floor house due to your husband’s PD. If you’re still considering this option, it’s worth revisiting, especially if it could improve his comfort and accessibility. Many have faced similar decisions and found that relocating to a more suitable living space made a positive difference in their daily lives.
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If you decide to proceed with the move, services like ThreeMovers at https://threemovers.com/moving-storage/ could help simplify the process. Their expertise in moving and storage services could make the transition smoother and less stressful for you both.
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Recently went through whether we should move from 2 story to one as my husbands illness has advanced. Like you we have a small room downstairs with a small guest bathroom, shower only. Decided to get a hospital bed he is still mobile but going up and down the stairs hard on him. We got a hospital bed from our insurance company as he needed surgery in Dec and would require being downstairs for awhile. He original thought he would nap downstairs during day as needed and come up at night. He isn’t able to do that even now, so for now he is still downstairs and enjoys the first level. He is now using a walker too and I doubt he will be going upstairs again. We too have discussed our options moving going to retirement or assisted community , or moving closer to one of our kids. Last few months seeing how fast things can change not knowing what is coming next our way having the downstairs room was a great option m, and truthfully it is working out better than we imagined. So for now we are staying put will revisit as a need arises and will figure it all out when and if we need to. I’m glad we didn’t move to a one story and I don’t know where we will be in months years to come so for now just grateful to have more time to figure it all out and can stay put. I will say I recently have begun downsizing getting rid of stuff putting our things in order as that has become my new priority so in the event something happens to him or me it will all be easier for the one left to manage or for our kids to sort out in the event one or both of us can’t. The purging has made me feel great going through a room at a time. It has empowered me on days I have a few minutes or hours to tackle a room or just a corner. My kids love that we are putting everything in Order while we have the right mind to do so and I think it is a gift to leave things as orderly as I can as we transition into this crazy life with Parkinsons. My husband is starting to have some cognitive issues and to still pick his brain while he still can help me is a blessing as I see the difference time is making. Good luck with whatever decision you decide in moving or not I admire that you are taking the fine to talk openly with your spouse about the present and future is huge . I
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Yes I would move into a house for the first floor or even to a nursery home. It’s better to live in conditions that you can handle instead of trying to extreme your efforts to live. Some people I know have lived in a house a long time and don’t want to give it up due to the medical issues but you got to do what you got to do to stay alive and to live a good life. If that means moving to the different house or even to a nursery home and that’s what needs to be done. I have a house on one acre lots of grass I mow it every week on a rider and it’s getting tougher and tougher and I know I’m going to have to give it up someday but that’s what I got to do that’s what I got to do. Or depend on insurance and your state of financial you can hire people to help you out and maybe stay in your same home.
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Amelie,
If you and your husband incline to stay in your old house, you might want to do some research on the two below short YouTube videos. Combining two together might alleviate some burden off him climbing stairs and moving around in the house.
Video 1: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=home+escalator+stairs
Video 2: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=mini+folding+wheelchair
Good luck!
FJ
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As it has been said it is a tricky situation.First thing I advise my pts is sleep in separate beds.That provides better sleep for the parkinsonian.Secondly there are ppl with genetic predisposition who decide before even the onset of the disease to go ground floor.Of course that is not always an option for everybody.Third there are apparatus seating facilities attached to the stairs that can help the person to get to first floor.Depending on the house and durability u have to ask first an interior designer or engineer if its going to last and second the cost.Then there are the bathing problems.Showers are indicated not a bath tab.These problems are the same with ppl with multiple sclerosis or stroke.Thanks for listening.
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