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I Don’t Want to Be Your Caregiver, I Want to Be Your Wife
I recently began listening to Esther Perel’s podcast, Where Should We Begin?, which lets listeners eavesdrop on Dr. Perel’s couples counselling sessions. I was really impacted by an episode featuring a young married couple who are coping with the realities of raising young children alongside early onset PD. In the episode, they talk about their immense love and respect for each other, but also address honestly how the husband’s PD diagnosis has changed their relationship.
I won’t give too much away – you can listen to the episode here: https://www.estherperel.com/podcast (Episode title: I Don’t Want to Be Your Caregiver, I Want to Be Your Wife).
Can you relate to this couple’s situation? How has PD affected your marriage or relationship? Do you have any advice for this couple?
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1 Reply
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This is complex. First of all there is the trauma of learning you have an incurable, degenerative disease. Then after feeling sorry for yourself –and there’s nothing wrong with railing “Why me?” at the Universe a bit– you must start thinking of how this is going to affect your loved ones, whether spouse, children o close friends. Remember, their lives have radically changed too and they’re going to need just as much tender loving care as you do. And I believe putting yourself in your caregiver’s shoes is a good-making feature of your relation with PD. But now there’s a third factor: you feel guilty for having disrupted your caregiver’s life. Maybe your wife is on the verge of retirement and was looking forward to taking all those trips she’d always dreamed of, or perhaps your son wants to make an opportune career move to another state. So do you say “Don’t mind me, I’ll be fine”? Will they do your bidding? And even if they do, will they really enjoy themselves knowing they have left you in a precarious position?
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