Do you feel weak asking for help?

[Annie]

Im not sure that weak is the right word as for me it takes strength to struggle with many tasks and also takes strength to ask for help. Overwhelmed and sad are more the words that come to mind.

I often feel overwhelmed. From personal experience, I know that one of the most difficult things to do as a care partner is let the person you care for do things on their own – even when it is a struggle. (I cared for my late partner for the last 9 years of his life. He passed away 3 years before my diagnosis).

Many things that I used to be able to do and a lot of decisions about my life are beyond my control or ability now. Even some of the basics. I need to hold on to what I am able to do and make decisions about. My world and abilities are shrinking, I need to be able to tell my own story, make my own decisions and to keep as much independence as I can as long as I can. This takes time and space (and I’m sure feels painfully slow to non- Parkinsons people). Unfortunately it’s usually the ones closest to us that care about us most who also overwhelm us the most, generally with the best of intentions and usually without realising that they are doing it. Assumptions are frequently made by care partners and others about what is ‘needed’ (easy to do, I know – been there, done that!). Unfortunately that can be really disempowering for the person receiving care, who often then gets frustrated and it’s often confusing and distressing for the care partner. I have been on both sides of the fence on this one and both sides are tough places to be with learning, listening and open communication required on and by both sides.

Sometimes it’s harder to struggle than ask for help and at other times it is the reverse.
If you’re a care partner, how about asking? Not all the time because that’s overwhelming but occasionally. Something like – “you’ve been putting in a huge effort there – would an extra pair of hands help at this point?” and whenever you ask – be prepared for any answer. It isn’t that we mean to be rude or nasty but often so much effort goes into what we’re trying to do that there’s nothing left for niceties- or sometimes even for communication.

That’s a long answer (actually I’m not sure that I answered maybe I just rambled).  I think that it takes strength and courage to ask for help but I usually don’t feel either of those things when I ask for help, just the opposite.

[Ally]

Hi Annie, thank you for sharing so honestly and openly about your experience. I resonated with a lot of the points you made, particularly the one about those nearest to us often inadvertently overwhelming us with their help. I totally agree with your point that communication and asking people questions  – not assuming you know what they want or need – is key. There are a lot of PwP and caregivers in this forum and your post has something beneficial for all.