Vulnerable, but Not Alone

Vulnerable, but Not Alone

Slow Is the New Fast

“People who know me know I’m strong, but I’m vulnerable.” — Catherine Deneuve

Oxford Dictionaries define vulnerability as: “The quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.”

Recently, I felt a level of extreme vulnerability that I don’t remember experiencing before. Potentially, this could be due to any of the following reasons:

  • I lack confidence and strength now because I have Parkinson’s disease.
  • I am old (although in my mind, I’m still 21).
  • I am a woman living alone.
  • A combination of the above.

Although, lately, I seem to blame everything on Parkinson’s — it’s a good scapegoat!

What happened?

At 7:15 one recent morning, as I looked out my kitchen window, I saw an unmarked van backing into my driveway. A man I did not know got out of the vehicle and rang my doorbell. When I didn’t answer, he tried to enter. I froze as I stood in my hallway and stared at the front door, watching the doorknob moving. My pet bunny started to thump, and I knew I wasn’t going to get any help from bunny. I think he was more frightened than I was.

Luckily, since I live in a retirement community, around-the-clock security is available. I called security, and within five minutes, someone arrived and confronted the person outside my front door.

All is well

It turns out that some construction workers went to the wrong address and rang my doorbell by mistake.

Although I felt so vulnerable in this situation, I am thankful to live in a community where I am not alone.

“I do have a vulnerable side. I think a lot of people have a misperception of me. They only see the tough, defensive, aggressive side. But every woman is vulnerable.” — Rihanna

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Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.

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At the age of 62, I started writing to inspire conversation about mental illness and suicide after my life partner, Steve Tarpinian, took his own life in 2015. Seven months after Steve passed, I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Now, in addition to Steve's story, I am telling my own.

2 comments

  1. W A Valentine says:

    My wife is in her third year since being diagnosed being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease.During the latter part of the latter part of the second year our daughter managed to find a specialist who prescribed CARBILEV 25/100 tablets; starting her off with .5 tablet per day for 3-days and then i per day and progressed to taking 1.5 tablets 3 times daily. Before taking these tablets she was shaking vigorously in her hands,feet and mouth. The shaking in the mouth was so severe, that her teeth rattled to such an extent that she had to remove her lower dentures However since taking these tablets,the shaking became less and less prevalent. She has now been on these tablets for just less than 5-months and the shaking has reduced to almost nil and it occurs only when she is very agitated and then only slightly in her hands. She used these tablets before but she was told to start off with 3-tablets per day from day one and she suffered with severe headaches and depression; so the “secret” seems to be,is to start off gradually until the body gets used to these tablets. I hope this news will help someone. Regards W A Valentine

    • Jean Mellano says:

      Thank you for sharing. Carbilev is also known as brand name Sinemet. In the USA, it seems that SInemet (or generic carbidopa/levadopa) is the gold standard for treating PD. That is what I take and it helps me a bit, although I do not have tremors..

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