My PD Frustration Consists of More Than Only Symptoms and Treatments

My PD Frustration Consists of More Than Only Symptoms and Treatments

You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared and anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person.’ It makes you human.” –Lori Deschene

As many people with Parkinson’s will attest, both Parkinson’s disease (PD) symptoms and finding the right treatment to alleviate them can be extremely frustrating.

The perception

Just as frustrating for me is that everyone thinks I am fine. Since I have no tremors, there are no obvious symptoms. Most well-meaning, healthy people either tell me I look great or that they have the same issues as me — cognitive decline, balance, poor fine motor skills, slowness of movement, and fatigue.

The truth

I struggle to maintain balance and must consciously avoid walking into furniture. My body, especially on the left side, does not always listen to me when I tell it to do something. Trying to maintain focus to do this is draining in itself. I also feel weak inside and I am always extremely fatigued. It is an exhaustion that no amount of sleep or rest can diminish.

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A glimpse into my frustration

To help my fine motor skills, I have taken up ukulele lessons. I never played any instrument in my life, so I have no muscle memory to call on. The left hand and fingers play a huge role in learning how to use this instrument.

Recently, I had a meltdown in one of my lessons. My left fingers were not listening to me while trying to play some chords. The instructor was very patient, but I don’t think he understood the extent of my struggles. I was trying to play a G chord, which requires positioning three fingers from my left hand on various frets. These fingers would not cooperate and they just froze. With all the energy I expended trying to get my fingers positioned, I worked up a sweat.

Finally, so full of despair and frustration over what I have lost, I just broke down in tears. I can no longer control my body.

Empathy

The frustration continues on many fronts for me: the symptoms themselves, trying to find something to help treat my symptoms, and well-intentioned people not comprehending what I struggle with daily. Many years before I was affected by this disease, a friend of mine was diagnosed with PD. I could never understand why it was so hard for her to put on a seat belt.

Now I know.

I have a form of Parkinson’s disease, which I don’t like. My legs don’t move when my brain tells them to. It’s very frustrating.” –George H. W. Bush

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Note: Parkinson’s News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Parkinson’s News Today or its parent company, BioNews Services, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to Parkinson’s disease.

Jean Mellano Editor
At the age of 62, I started writing to inspire conversation about mental illness and suicide after my life partner, Steve Tarpinian, took his own life in 2015. Seven months after Steve passed, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Now, in addition to Steve’s story, I am telling my own.
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Jean Mellano Editor
At the age of 62, I started writing to inspire conversation about mental illness and suicide after my life partner, Steve Tarpinian, took his own life in 2015. Seven months after Steve passed, I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease. Now, in addition to Steve’s story, I am telling my own.

4 comments

  1. Carol says:

    I am a bluegrass guitar player. Much of the music I am supposed to play goes by me very fast. I have given up on trying to play leads, and my little finger and ring finger can get really uncooperative. However I prepare these unruly appendages by doing hand stretches and warm up drills. And when you practice by yourself, have some fun and smile.

    • Jean Mellano says:

      Hi Carol, thank you for reminding me to have fun and smile. I tend to forget in my frustration with this disease. I have stopped taking lessons since it was becoming so frustrating for me and it was just another reminder of what I have lost. I do many other things to help my PD that I have fun, mainly boxing, yoga, weight training, walking etc… It is good to hear you continue to play in spite of PD!

  2. Mark Hendriks says:

    Hi there.

    My name is Mark Hendriks, and I study at Fontys, university of applied sciences in the Netherlands. Me and a couple other students are trying to find a way with technology to improve the life of someone with PD. For our research we’d love to ask you a couple of questions if that is possible.

    I hope to hear from you, or anyone else reading this.

    Kind regards,

    Mark Hendriks

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