Finding Fulfillment in My Life

I think I have lived long enough to learn (although it’s an ongoing process), that as hard as I may seek, no one or nothing but God can fill the hole inside my heart. I believe I was born with this hole. Broken at birth, so to speak.

I have sought friends and things, both consciously and subconsciously. A husband, no matter how loving, can’t fill this hole, nor a child, no matter how loved, can fill the deep chasm that cries out for fulfillment and wholeness.

I stumble often and again, consistently and constantly, telling myself that just a hug, just an “I love you,” or just some extra patience extended toward me will go a long way to filling me up. These things I seek, these things I long for — I tell myself they will fill a little bit of that empty space.

But, they don’t. And having a chronic illness can often make that hole seem so much darker and so much deeper. I feel fractured and damaged. I feel incomplete, as if a part of me is missing.

It isn’t anyone’s fault. There is no blame to hand off. It is a case of trying to fill a hole made intentionally by a God who wants me to realize He put it there and only He can fill it.

When I stop and recognize that truth, slow down enough to dwell on what that really means, I begin to drink His love, His forgiveness, and His sovereignty. I begin to experience His blessings of fullness and a beautiful new wholeness.

I find myself setting others free from the impossible expectations I have imposed upon them, and in the process, I free myself. I may have been born into this world broken and in need, but I will leave whole and not wanting for anything.

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